Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

First, let me sum this up. There is nothing I could say or do to spoil this film. I would love to tell you everything that happens and leave you to go, 'Huh, well thanks for saving me the cash," but no. Action happens. That is the plot of this shit, and trust me it is shit. And I'm not one of those "the first one was so great" or "I'm walking in on this with high hopes." Wrong. I had little expectations for this and got them, stretched out over two and a half hours.
Shia goes off to college and tries to ditch everything cool about his life in hopes to become normal. If surviving the first movie got me Megan Fox as my girlfriend and giant fucking robots as best friends then why the fuck would I want to do anything else with my life. What career options is Shia possibly looking at? Does he want to become a Vet? In the next one maybe he'll temp for the summer at a very important law firm.
Meanwhile, the Decepticons come back and reek havoc, and now can transform into humans. Humans! If they have the power to look like anyone then it should of been over in 15 minutes instead of 2 and a half hours. The Ds want what is in Shias head so they take fucking forever trying to get it. Then Prime dies in the forest, which is 5 feet outside the industrial section of Philly. But he gets brought back because Shia believes in him. That's all it really comes down to is the whole clap your hands so he doesn't die crap.
The Fallen, which the title implies, tries to rise to blow up the sun using a weapon hidden inside a pyramid, but when O.P. comes back to life, stops him. And the Fallen is one guy, who is as old as time. When Transformers transformed into fucking dirt.
John Turturro's back for more money, which I don't blame him and there are racist robots now. Black gansta Autobots with gold teeth, that don't die even when eaten by the biggest robot there is. And nothing can shoot straight. And Megan Fox runs in slow motion. And I was bored half way in. And this movie fucked my eyeballs. And there will be a third. And a hangar in Washington D.C. opens up to California. And there are robot testicles. And I'm opening my veins now. And nothing can kill racist robots. And I suddenly want to buy Mountain Dew, and cars by GM. And this is the first film I know of to mention the President as being Obama, who does not support the Autobots. And my girlfriend wants me to take her. Action happens, movie spoiled.